~ Pumpkineena ~

i-learned-it-from-the-pizzaman:

So my teacher told us that two blue eyed people can’t have a brown eyed kid and this kid in my class said “but both my parents have blue eyes and I have brown eyes”.  The teacher said “so you’re adopted”.  THe next day the kid came in and told us that he confronted his parents about it and that they said he was adopted but wanted to wait for the right time to tell him.  

image

mcriartsy:

savepunknroll:

-americanhorrorstory:

onesecondathousandthoughts:

fallintopassion:

bullied:

we live in a world where pizza gets to your house before the police.

That’s because the pizza guy has consequences if his job is done incorrectly.

Oh snap

shots fired

but not by the pizza guy

OH

Me: *playing Tomb Raider*
Grandmother who is visiting for the weekend: Mind if I sit with you?
Me: *squirming slightly because there is gore and swearing in this game and my grandmother is a sweet old lady: Um, if you want to.
Grandmother: *sits* Thank you, dear.
Me: *continuing to play for about five minutes*
Grandmother:
Grandmother:
Grandmother: LOOK OUT THERE ARE THREE COMING DOWN THE HILL
Grandmother: THAT WAS POINT BLANK HOW ARE THEY ALIVE
Grandmother: OOOHH YOU MADE THAT EXPLODE
Grandmother: STOP KILLING MY GRANDDAUGHTER
Grandmother: KILL THEM KILL THEM ALL
Grandmother: OHHHHH YOU SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD OHHHHHHHHH
Grandmother: RUN RUN RUN YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE RUN
Grandmother: OKAY NOW KILL THEM ALL
Me: *slowly turns to look at her* Grandma
Grandmother: *sweet smile* Hmm?
Me: Grandma oh my god
Grandmother: *more smiling* Well, hurry up and kill everyone else, I want to see you save this Sam person.
Me:
Me:
Grandmother: Kill them.
oatmeal47:

what a beautiful wedding

oatmeal47:

what a beautiful wedding

chongotheartist:

theyatemytailorr:

never in my life did I think that toilet doors would make me so angry

kristoffbjorgman:

RAPUNZEL  MUST  DRINK  THE  BLOOD  OF  HER  FELLOW  PRINCESSES  TO  AMASS  ENOUGH  ENERGY  TO  GO  TURBO

kristoffbjorgman:

RAPUNZEL  MUST  DRINK  THE  BLOOD  OF  HER  FELLOW  PRINCESSES  TO  AMASS  ENOUGH  ENERGY  TO  GO  TURBO